MS Archives #10 (1/22/2008)

am i the only one!!!    1/22/2008

Current mood:angsty

Am i the only one striving in every aspect of my life, am i the only one that doesn't flip out at the drop of a hat, am i the only one loveing and hoping and praying with out ceasing? i think so, i guess this is what it is to have patience in suffering! tobe so drained emotionally and spiritually tattered and physically incapable yet knowing the truth in the face of hate and anger haveing things being thrown at me in every direction and still keeping calm and sitting patiently for the answer i already know! i think my fave part of life (not really) is random uneccessary BS! i feel like we have a real bond! i honestly dont ever remember saying "bring it on" yet it has been brought! and i still figure it all out. i just want like 3 hours to just think and be completely alone with myself and God... i shouldnt have to make time for these things they should just be there, i try and make time for so much and all falls short and time is wasted if only i could prioritize better, or something! i wish i could suggest things into peoples heads to help motivate them and realize things! but i am not God! this is rambling and i understand it doesnt make sense but i need this, right here right now in this moment! no one will quite get this, nor will they be able to put any one situation or one person or thing to these emotions, they just are! no one is responsable it is my brain in a knot and i am sorting it! most of it has to do with me! i need clarity and a switchto turn on and off to ignore the crazy world around me! i think i am bored and turned off, time to goto the next level in my life. i'm hopeing this lovey transition is soon (all purely spiritual for all you narcasists out there) anywho i see so much in my head visions and dreams and all these endless possibilities and awsome oppertunities and i am having  a hard time just picking and knowing i am secure!   Hhhmmmm?! well who knows! at this point to reach what i need, i need support in areas that arent available to me, the rest is up to God i guess!