Monday, July 25, 2016
One of my favorite personality theorists Carl Jung stated: "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves". With every reaction I observe in others when they are faced with un-surfacing an element to me, I bare this in mind.
I've recently taken note that, the longer I am around "easily set off" individuals, I find that even with a strong personality like mine I become more easily worn down and I begin to delve to their level sometimes even before they can jump to their own predictable ways. I'm thinking I've gotta curb this. If I am to be a catalyst for change, if I am to love, if I am to lead... I have to move beyond the small minds and thrive on truth, not the reaction to a mind bound to the closed perception of what "appears" to be.
I was told by a very hateful, bitter individual a couple weeks back that I "have a lot to learn", I was called "stupid" and compared to someone with mental illness because I calmly pointed out what was and refused to play the bullshit I was invited to play. This individual gossips regularly to anyone that will listen, bends the ears of those who are at the height of personal emotion and others that are not always mentally there. Manipulation and control are "go to's", and tantrums are a common occurrence. This individual gets highly upset when one tiny thing in the day changes, this individual has a tendency to over exaggerate and flat out lie.
In the beginning I prayed for this person... I now feel as though I know her game well and it's painfully obvious she doesn't know who I am at all, she doesn't care to, and she is ok with painting the most negative picture of me as possible. When she doesn't like something she mocks me and laughs while talking under her breath. You know the stuff that mean girls and sociopaths are made of. This individual is more than twice my age... I've come full circle and here I am once again praying for her. I'm out of answers... What ever drives her to hate me (which honestly sounds nothing like who I am when she gives her thoughts on me)... Whatever it is, is very much a reflection of herself.
Maybe my job is to help her better understand the woman she see's in the mirror instead of better understanding me. Maybe positivity, helpfulness and continued prayer is the only way, even if it takes months or years. Talk about martyring myself... All I truly know is I want to be known for my Love, Graciousness, and Leadership. How do I appear as I am to the consciously mislead and lead them to truth?
I don't want to just appear, I want to be seen, I think being seen has the element of being sought. What do I have that she doesn't that she is willing to see, something nothing like her so she doesn't hate it immediately?
This question seems to be everywhere for many individuals. It certainly isn't my first rodeo, there have been a handful of these stressful individuals in my life and I'm ready to conquer and move forward.
Till I figure it out...
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Influence is everything, it prompts choices and carries them out. It can cultivate or crush. Influence is an important catalyst to change. One isn't a leader with out it.
I've been spending a lot of time mulling over my influences and the type of influence I want to be on the world. Ole and I have had this thing we've been saying a few years now and remarkably enough it is something my mother would say, though I always think of thumper from "Bambi".
"Does it heal, bless, or uplift?!" Sadly, I often have to really think about it because I also say "Is it kind, loving, honest" things that are truth aren't always kind, yet it is loving to be truthful.
Right now I am getting my life back on track. Renewing my nursing license, school in the works, I have a job in sales again (imagine that!). But I want more than anything to be the right kind of influence. Regardless of state of mind, status, or time of day. What does my character say? I am working hard on this question. And I am ok with it keeping me up at night.
There are a few people that daily influence me, probably because I'm good at gaurding myself. But they deserve mention. Mike, Ole, Ezra, Nikki, and Megan. I am lucky to have them in my life and I know that out of all the paths I cross, theirs are the ones that choose these cyclical terms. I'm so grateful for the Good and the "What the fuck?!" influences they all have on me!