Monday, July 11, 2011

Long Silence...

            Sorry for the long Silence everyone and to myself as well as writing is a seriously healthy outlet for me. A lot has happened since May I graduated and fought back tears as my hard work became justified. Ezra is still healthy Kicking the crap outta me 'N' all, I am 3rd trimester now and huger than life, with achy feet, heart burn and random narcoleptic coma like moments. He is huge measuring 3 weeks ahead, I wanna flip everyone the bird as a nice fat "told ya so" but I think Ill wait till he is born 3 weeks early that way its legit!  My mom had some surgeries that I became her nurse for, that was something for the books. I started my summer semester and love my classes though the condensed part of them brings on a lot of work, work either I am behind in or simply haven't E-mailed to my teacher because I am absent minded like that these days. Also once again the school has managed to eff up my financial aid and Im waiting patiently and praying all is well.

            Though the weeks are passing fast they are equally slow, time lapsing the good stuff and savoring the flavor of the BS. I have found it is soooo dang hard to breath at this point in my pregnancy and when I lay down my sinuses swell! So when I am finally sleeping through the night it is at the expense of my husband and perhaps (according to him) the paint on the walls. We have 2 fans in our room one of which a heavy duty box fan, you know we are white noise kinda people, but since I have started snoring we have upped it to a sleep machine, and our white noise apps on our iPhones full blast in conjunction with the two fans and Im still heard through it all! My dreams are still weird as heck and lately have been nightmares. Partly due to my own experiences mixed with those of others, a specific case recently.

           A very sweet Godly Man I went to high school with (and his brother), numerous church outings, we have same mutual circle of friends, he worked with my brother at Guitar Center and of course we are Facebook buddies. Has been handed a very tragic circumstance I can't even begin to fathom. Earlier this week according to what I read and through the grapevine, his full term healthy baby boy was to deliver, his wife went into labor, the babys heart rate dipped too low, emergency Csection, after several minutes of resuscitation the baby came back but no brain activity, he was placed in the NICU with machines and a medicine meant to cool down his little brain and trigger a response, that was June 7th, last night I read he was fighting hard for his life and it looked promising. Mike and I had been praying for them every day. Last night I laid awake for hours holding my tummy bonding with Ezra at his most active point (bed time) and hoping My friends wife didn't go through everything to lose her baby. This morning after my 2.5 hour night nap I woke up feeling sick I got up and stayed up, skimming FaceBook I prayed for good news when I reached my friends site, I didn't find such luck when I arrived. Early this morning their baby died! I sobbed for hours, utterly horrific. I am beyond words for them and now terrified myself. I cant expect that for me or try to put myself in their shoes, I have lost people before I felt it was their time, I have miscarried many times but this I cant even imagine. I told my mom that I trust God and who am I to shake a fist but "really?" I hope they are met with something for having to go through this, there has to be a purpose. I hope I never have to bury my child at any point in my life. My heart ached for the family of my cousins 19 year old friend who recently passed away, and a friend of my moms lost his daughter a few years back she was Lukes age, and my great grandmother, though my uncle was older and a party guy growing up, she buried her son. I don't want to do it its hard enough with miscarriages and older loved ones dying, it stings worse when its any other way.  So my heart goes out to them and I have to keep my mind busy and off of the negative for the sake of my own baby boy and though a sigh of relief will come over me when he is safe at home I know I will be on high alert for him till the day I die. Please keep my friend and his family in your prayers.

             I should really get going I have a huge list of chores, and homework to catch up on, and later today I have a field trip to the Ventura County prison with my class. But I will try to keep up on this I promise, I am so tired I don't know how Im going to do it all!


1 comment:

  1. Hey Mandi! My heart and prayers go out to your friend and his wife. I could not even imagine the pain and heartache they are going through. I had a friend recently who lost her child at birth and hearing her and seeing her go through it was really hard. The situation made me so paranoid, but I have put all my faith into God and I trust him. I can't wait to see photo's of Ezra! You both will be fine :)