Friday, March 30, 2012


Well a lot is going on in my life. I can't really delegate my personal preferences and to micromanage everything takes it's toll. So I'm down grading, doing everything I can to lower my bills to relieve financial stress, I'm cleaning my house to relieve the burden of clutter and the feeling of over responsibility, I am cutting out the relationships in my life that aren't going anywhere. If I am not being blessed by the relationship and the person I'm engaged with isn't being blessed by me then there is no need to struggle investing time that is going nowhere. Honestly I can go without being blessed as long as the other person is, however if I receive a majority of negativity from the person in return, I'm DONE. I don't care who these people are to me in regard to social circle or blood lines, I don't care if I've known them 30 years or 5 minutes, I don't have the stamina or time to invest a well balanced teachable attitude to receive word that someone thinks I'm selfish, untrustworthy, unstable, or to be their punching bag. My thoughts are "well then stop lying to yourself, I'll make it easy for you, good bye" I don't have the time, I don't have what it take to be a good mom if I'm correcting others actions, explaining myself, or begging for people to understand me when I'm pretty easy to read, I say things as they are, my heart is on my sleeve and I try my damnedest to eliminate grey areas in my personality.

I am Detoxing my emotional Mind, as I come into this weight loss journey. I am fine tuning my thoughts and responses and narrowing in on time and place type stuff. There is a time and a place to be angry, to be in awe, to be fed up, to not put up with shit. Some things are over due! And other things I have jumped the gun, I can balance old compassionate Mandi with recent hard nosed go screw yourself Mandi. I don't like what I've become and I miss the old me however the old me rarely snapped, was emotional and a doormat, the recent me makes it impossible to bend and is so logical God can't do much with her... The New me is much different, I'm going to balance it all out for my own well being and that of those that are around me. I want to say what I mean and do what I say.
I've started this journey to the new me a while ago I've weeded out the people in my life that are toxic and I'm not looking back. Not to say there isn't room for forgiveness because I have forgiven everyone of them and if they become enlightened at some point in their lives and decide they want a healthy relationship I am here with open arms, but until then I'm done dancing everyone else's dance. God has bigger plans for my life!

I can't wait to start losing weight and creating a healthy whole lifestyle for myself so I can be more of a blessing to my family!

Mike and Ezra are great I love them so much and Ezra is amazing he is so smart and loving I am so thankful God blessed us with him! He is adorable. He says Kitty, MaMa, DaDa and Eww. Kitty and Eww seem to have more of a cognitive attachment to them than the others but it is exciting nonetheless. He is soooo big 98th percentile for height, and 75th for weight. He is almost 6.5 months old an he is in 9-12 month clothes.

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